Writing takes skill and tremendous effort. I feel glazed and
motionless. The spelling mistakes are slowing me down. Perhaps the
angels will help me see the vision stronger. Perhaps that transcription
job I had a few years ago will help me type faster and more
accurately. Yes, I feel it does. Yes, I could tell you that this is
what I am supposed to do. I feel connected. I feel like I need a
hundred prayers. I feel the information coming from deep inside me,
spilling out like when Abraham tapped on the rock. It’s like that,
flowing from inside me. Are there spirit guides to help me? I am not
sure. I need to feel some more.
So here I am, a writer with nothing to write except what comes out of me. This is what God had intended when he sent me here. I am to be a messenger, a harvester, a fisher of all men. That message was given to me two years ago in an office of a minister. It was then that I knew I was to become a Messenger. It was as if He spoke to me in the quietest, loudest voice. I have heard that voice before, saving my life a few times, but I won't bore you with those boring details of an ordinary life.
I feel like I am the person that is easiest to forget. The one who slips from your consciousness when I leave the room. Only, people tell me about what I told them years ago, and how my words changed their lives. I feel small, yet I am the bearer of truths and consequences. Is this a problem of confidence I ask myself? Have I been undermining my influence over other people for many years? I think so. I need to change this. This blog is one small step in that direction. Every great journey starts off with a small step. This is my Leap of Faith.
I see the miracles occur in my own life. Two days ago my Love told me that he sees money like water flowing. I have been praying for this for a long time. I try not to preach to him. He has his own journey and I must respect that. I live BY EXAMPLE. Two miracles occurred this week. One is that my house is filled with children for my two boys to play with, the other is that my husband saw money as flowing. That is something I firmly believe. Do what you are supposed to be doing and money will follow. Another miracle is that my children asked me to pray with them last night. I watched my beautiful son pray hard and earnestly, firmly believing in God. My Love said it was beautiful to hear. Before he would have belittled me; now he thinks its beautiful. Miracles happen in the small things. One has to stop and listen to realize it.
When we lived in the UK I met a a stranger in a park. We started talking and immediately connected. The one thing she said to me, that I can remember this morning, was that one of the reasons she wanted to become a minister was because it was a way to talk about God. She felt she could not share her feelings with anyone except her immediate family. I can relate to that. I have felt VOICELESS for a long time and more than just with my immediate family.
Voicelessness occurs when your husband is rude to you in front of your friends and you dont know what to say, or when your rib is cracked but you are too embarrassed to tell the doctor how it happened, or when you try tell someone what is wrong, but you can’t get the words out even though she can clearly see something is wrong. Voicelessness occurs when your father denies you your point of view or belittles your talents, telling you that you should be married instead. Voicelessness occurs when the pain in your chest grips your heart so hard it swallows your words. Voicelessness occurs to young children when they are abused, raped and left for dead. Children crying softly into their pillows, trying not to wake the evil monsters up. Voicelessness occurs when the HORROR gets too big to imagine.
And so, dear readers I wanted to ask you, what were those horrors for you? What do you do about it? Like it or lump it, it becomes part of you. It forms your character and stays within those damned memory channels for a long time. Sometimes it finally decays but most of the time it doesn’t. It becomes who you are, it makes you feel small, insignificant and used. Your life never seems to run smoothly after that. What you didn’t realize is that Jesus was carrying you, helping you. He was there when you thought he wasn’t. He was waiting, giving you imperceptible signs. If you lean on him, he will help you, but you have to believe. That is the one prerequisite. Believe.
Believing is like a single blade of grass, shooting up. Soon, it spreads and you have a whole lawn. All you have to do is nurture it, water it every so often with Bible readings, music and talking. Getting your own voice; Expressing your belief is confirming. Don’t be voiceless, God is there, he wants to listen. You just need to hear.
So here I am, a writer with nothing to write except what comes out of me. This is what God had intended when he sent me here. I am to be a messenger, a harvester, a fisher of all men. That message was given to me two years ago in an office of a minister. It was then that I knew I was to become a Messenger. It was as if He spoke to me in the quietest, loudest voice. I have heard that voice before, saving my life a few times, but I won't bore you with those boring details of an ordinary life.
I feel like I am the person that is easiest to forget. The one who slips from your consciousness when I leave the room. Only, people tell me about what I told them years ago, and how my words changed their lives. I feel small, yet I am the bearer of truths and consequences. Is this a problem of confidence I ask myself? Have I been undermining my influence over other people for many years? I think so. I need to change this. This blog is one small step in that direction. Every great journey starts off with a small step. This is my Leap of Faith.
I see the miracles occur in my own life. Two days ago my Love told me that he sees money like water flowing. I have been praying for this for a long time. I try not to preach to him. He has his own journey and I must respect that. I live BY EXAMPLE. Two miracles occurred this week. One is that my house is filled with children for my two boys to play with, the other is that my husband saw money as flowing. That is something I firmly believe. Do what you are supposed to be doing and money will follow. Another miracle is that my children asked me to pray with them last night. I watched my beautiful son pray hard and earnestly, firmly believing in God. My Love said it was beautiful to hear. Before he would have belittled me; now he thinks its beautiful. Miracles happen in the small things. One has to stop and listen to realize it.
When we lived in the UK I met a a stranger in a park. We started talking and immediately connected. The one thing she said to me, that I can remember this morning, was that one of the reasons she wanted to become a minister was because it was a way to talk about God. She felt she could not share her feelings with anyone except her immediate family. I can relate to that. I have felt VOICELESS for a long time and more than just with my immediate family.
Voicelessness occurs when your husband is rude to you in front of your friends and you dont know what to say, or when your rib is cracked but you are too embarrassed to tell the doctor how it happened, or when you try tell someone what is wrong, but you can’t get the words out even though she can clearly see something is wrong. Voicelessness occurs when your father denies you your point of view or belittles your talents, telling you that you should be married instead. Voicelessness occurs when the pain in your chest grips your heart so hard it swallows your words. Voicelessness occurs to young children when they are abused, raped and left for dead. Children crying softly into their pillows, trying not to wake the evil monsters up. Voicelessness occurs when the HORROR gets too big to imagine.
And so, dear readers I wanted to ask you, what were those horrors for you? What do you do about it? Like it or lump it, it becomes part of you. It forms your character and stays within those damned memory channels for a long time. Sometimes it finally decays but most of the time it doesn’t. It becomes who you are, it makes you feel small, insignificant and used. Your life never seems to run smoothly after that. What you didn’t realize is that Jesus was carrying you, helping you. He was there when you thought he wasn’t. He was waiting, giving you imperceptible signs. If you lean on him, he will help you, but you have to believe. That is the one prerequisite. Believe.
Believing is like a single blade of grass, shooting up. Soon, it spreads and you have a whole lawn. All you have to do is nurture it, water it every so often with Bible readings, music and talking. Getting your own voice; Expressing your belief is confirming. Don’t be voiceless, God is there, he wants to listen. You just need to hear.
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