Wishes

What do I wish for myself? 

Do I wish my life undone? 

The pain, those awkward moments.

Could I have done without my tears, those scars?

Could I have done without the humiliation, the shame?

What if the hanged, the rubber belt or the loneliness did not exist

What if the brutal violation hadn’t occurred

Sadistic men with their own agendas 

An ignorant man clever with words

Torturing my insides in seemingly never ending waves

Would I be a flat person, like a sheet of white paper?

All smooth and without crinkles, without darkness

Would I be able to find myself

Would I be able to swim, to dance, to create 

If I had my life undone 

Would the darkness be so dark

Would I be able to find my way 

Pick up the torch to see the exit

Would I be able to write this now